The Short LifeSpan of Hogwarts Instant Messenger
by hortus-deliciarum
Summary: Dumbledore creates Hogwarts Instant Messenger HIM , although it doesn't last long, due to the nature of teenagers. Not much plot, but plenty of Malfoy-bashing!


_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Fred Weasley George Weasle, Blaise Zabini, Professor McGonagall, or Professor Dumbledore. I don't own Hogwarts. I own a slinky.

**_Characters:  
_Ron:** ChudleyCannonsRock  
**Hermione: **Noxisacoolword  
**Harry: **TheInvisibleMan  
**Ginny: **MadSkillz  
**Draco: **SneakySnake / iamthebomb / shutupgrangerimawesome / DragonFyre  
**Fred: **Georgeisagirl  
**George: **FredEatsDirt  
**Blaise: **DragonFire / PhoenixFlame  
**McGonagall: **FierceFeline  
**Dumbledore: **ObsoleteDingbat

* * *

**The Short Life-Span of Hogwarts Instant Messaging (HIM)**

**Noxisacoolword has signed in.  
****TheInvisibleMan has signed in.  
****MadSkillz has signed in.**

Noxisacoolword: MadSkillz?  
MadSkillz: oh yes…  
MadSkillz: Do you even watch me during the Quidditch games?  
Noxisacoolword: Sort of.  
TheInvisibleMan: I watch the Snitch, like I'm supposed to.  
TheInvisibleMan: And Hermione watches me.  
Noxisacoolword: Harry! I do not watch you!

**SneakySnake has signed in.**

MadSkillz: Yeah, she watches Malfoy!  
SneakySnake: What about me?  
Noxisacoolword: I do not!  
Noxisacoolword: Malfoy…what the heck?  
SneakSnake: What the heck "what the heck"?  
MadSkillz: *smacks forehead*  
Noxisacoolword: Do you know what "sneaky snake" is a reference to?  
SneakySnake: Me being sneaking and cunning  
SneakySnake: And in Slytherin  
TheInvisibleMan: It's a muggle song.  
SneakySnake: WHAT! You're lying Potter!  
Noxisacoolword: Fraid not.  
Noxisacoolword: Google it.  
SneakySnake: No way.

**SneakySnake has signed off.  
****MadSkillz has signed off.  
****Georgeisagirl has signed in.**

TheInvisibleMan: George?  
Georgeisagirl: Nope…Fred.  
TheInvisibleMan: Oh good, I was almost about to worry there.

**iamthebomb has signed in.  
****ChudleyCannonsRock has signed in.**

iamthebomb: Weasley: can't you even try to be original?  
ChudleyCannonsRock: what?  
Georgeisagirl: Your screenname, you dolt. It's lame.  
ChudleyCannonsRock: You're agreeing with him? But that's obviously Malfoy!  
iamthebomb: Brilliant deduction dunderhead.  
Noxisacoolword: hey Holmes…that's still a muggle-referencing screenname.  
iamthebomb: it is not!  
Georgeisagirl: No, it's true. The girl I was out with last night must've said it half a million times.  
iamthebomb: what is this?! Blaise already stole the name I wanted.  
TheInvisibleMan: haha…  
Noxisacoolword: Draco = *pouting*  
Noxisacoolword: like a little muggle girl  
iamthebomb: Malfoys don't pout!  
Georgeisagirl: Yes they do!

**FredEatsDirt has signed in.**

Georgeisagirl: Right George?  
FredEatsDirt: Right what? I'm not a girl.  
Noxisacoolword: but Malfoy is.  
FredEatsDirt: Right.  
TheInvisibleMan: (vote) Right.  
Georgeisagirl: Right.  
ChudleyCannonsRock: Right.  
Noxisacoolword: Right.  
Noxisacoolword: haha, Malfoy's a little pouting girly wimpy muggle-loving ferret!  
iamthebomb: Hey!

**iamthebomb has signed off.**

FredEatsDirt: So Harry, what's with the screenname?  
Georgeisagirl: Invisible, you are not.  
TheInvisibleMan: Cloak, boys, cloak. Also, I wouldn't mind being invisible.  
Noxisacoolword: The Invisible Man is a muggle reference to a television show by the same name.  
FredEatsDirt: Dad loves televisions!  
Georgeisagirl: I've only just got the hang of them.  
FredEatsDirt: All those buttons…and the people don't even talk to you.  
Georgeisagirl: I get more excitement out of a portrait.  
Noxisacoolword: ANYways…The Invisible Man was a guy who was invisible, so he wrapped his head up in bandages and wore a trenchcoat.  
ChudleyCannonsRock: Trenchcoats are cool.  
Georgeisagirl: Agreed.  
Noxisacoolword: Are you even going to bother paying attention?  
TheInvisibleMan: When he wanted to be invisible, he would take off all his clothes and no one could see him.  
FredEatsDirt: You go around naked?

**shutupgrangerimawesome has signed in.**

TheInvisibleMan: I do NOT go around naked!  
shutupgrangerimawesome: I, for one, am relieved.  
shutupgrangerimawesome: I'd rather see a basilisk's eyes than you without pants.  
Noxisacoolword: but you wouldn't mind seeing him without a shirt?  
Georgeisagirl: ooh!  
FredEatsDirt: ooh!  
shutupgrangerimawesome: that's not what I meant…besides, it's not like I haven't already  
ChudleyCannonsRock: did NOT want to know that  
shutupgrangerimawesome: shut up Weasley.  
Noxisacoolword: You saw Harry without a shirt?  
shutupgrangerimawesome: jealous Granger?  
Noxisacoolword: Hardly.  
Georgeisagirl: Awww…  
Noxisacoolword: Shut it Fred.  
FredEatsDirt: Yeah Fred.  
FredEatsDirt: So tell us, Malfoy, when did you see Harry without a shirt?  
shutupgrangerimawesome: Quidditch change room  
shutupgrangerimawesome: when they switched it from separate team rooms to separate boy/girl rooms  
FredEatsDirt: they separated the boys and girls?  
Georgeisagirl: I liked it co-ed.  
Noxisacoolword: Fred!  
Georgeisagirl: what?

**MadSkillz has signed in.**

MadSkillz: Malfoy, what's with the new name?  
Georgeisagirl: He's proclaiming his secret love to Hermione.  
ChudleyCannonsRock: Ewww  
FredEatsDirt: except it's not a secret  
Georgeisagirl: He just thinks it is  
MadSkillz: nice  
shutupgrangerimawesome: I do not!  
MadSkillz: that's not what I see…

**shutupgrangerimawesome has signed off.**

MadSkillz: what a lame-o

**DragonFire has signed on.  
****DragonFyre has signed on.**

DragonFire: Draco, you're so lame.  
Noxisacoolword: That's what Ginny said.  
TheInvisibleMan: haha  
DragonFyre: I think it's cool.  
DragonFyre: And I'm not allowed to change it again.  
DragonFire: You're allowed to change it three times!  
Noxisacoolword: He already did! :P  
FredEatsDirt: haha  
Georgeisagirl: You're like little girls who want to feel special  
FredEatsDirt: and buy all the same stuff so they match  
DragonFire: Draco, you dirtbag! Now I have to change.  
DragonFyre: Good, I wanted this name anyway.

**DragonFire has signed out.**

ChudleyCannonsRock: spelling fire with a "y" is lame.  
DragonFyre: shut up  
DragonFyre: only morons support the Chudley Cannons  
FredEatsDirt: "moron" is a good way to describe Ron  
Georgeisagirl: Yes.  
ChudleyCannonsRock: oh shut up you gits  
FredEatsDirt: no, Percy's the git…

**PhoenixFlame has signed in.**

DragonFyre: PhoenixFlame?! Phoenix?!  
PhoenixFlame: They're cool.  
DragonFyre: Not as cool as dragons.  
PhoenixFlame: But I'd rather have a phoenix.  
DragonFyre: What!  
PhoenixFlame: Yeah. I won't die if I try to pet it.  
DragonFyre: "Pet" it! What are you…Hagrid?  
PhoenixFlame: Maybe I'll be half dead and if I pet it, it'll cry and heal me.  
DragonFyre: Or maybe it'll purr and you'll die.  
PhoenixFlame: That's a cat, moron.  
FredEatsDirt: Well I hate to break up this little lover's spat, but…

**FierceFeline has signed in.**

Georgeisagirl: uh oh  
FierceFeline: What are you all doing up at this hour?! Professor Dumbledore didn't create HIM so that students could stay up half the night chatting away.  
DragonFyre: Then why did he make it?  
FierceFeline: To encourage inter-house unity and to serve as another resource for educational purposes.  
DragonFyre: well he should've known we'd abuse it.  
FierceFeline: One more word out of you, Mr. Malfoy, and you'll be in detention.  
FierceFeline: And the rest of you! Get yourselves to bed!  
Noxisacoolword: Yes, Professor.

**Noxisacoolword has signed off.  
****PhoenixFlame has signed off.  
****MadSkillz has signed off.  
****TheInvisibleMan has signed off.  
****DragonFyre has signed off.  
****ChudleyCannonsRock has signed off.**

FierceFeline: Freg and George! Get to your dormitories!  
FredEatsDirt: We're not students anymore, professor…  
FierceFeline: Then what are you doing here! HIM is supposed to be a closed system!  
Georgeisagirl: uh…

**FredEatsDirt has signed off.  
****Georgeisagirl has signed off.  
ObsoleteDingbat has signed on.**

ObsoleteDingbat: What imaginative names these kids create for themselves…


End file.
